Signs you have Emotional Trauma

Do you often wonder why you feel broken, while others seem to effortlessly enjoy the simpler things in life? If so, you might be dealing with unresolved emotional trauma. In this guide, we’ll explore signs that might point to this and provide steps to help you heal.

Conditional Love
Sometimes trauma can manifest as a need for perfection. You may feel like you’re only worthy if you’re perfect. For example, thoughts like, “My friends will think I’m boring if I stay home,” or “Everyone will judge me if I don’t get the highest scores,” might run through your mind. This could be a sign that you were loved conditionally in the past — only when you were perfect. A 2019 study found that childhood trauma and family dysfunction are linked to fear of imperfection. To challenge these fears, allow yourself to make mistakes. Remind yourself that it’s okay to be imperfect, just like everyone else.

Lack of Boundaries
Do you often mold yourself to make others comfortable, even at the cost of your own needs? This might involve letting others make decisions for you or tolerating comments about things like your appearance that make you uncomfortable. If you struggle with setting boundaries, it might stem from a difficult childhood where you learned to please others to avoid abandonment. According to a 2020 study, blurred boundaries are associated with lower levels of happiness and unhealthy lifestyles. Start by reflecting on when and where you need boundaries the most, and practice assertive communication to express them clearly.

Fear of Conflict
Are you afraid of confrontation, even in small situations like standing up for yourself or correcting a wrong order? Do you always agree with others, laugh nervously, or freeze? Healthline explains that conflict avoidance is often a form of people-pleasing, rooted in a fear of upsetting others. This might come from an abusive or unpredictable environment where standing up for yourself felt dangerous. To overcome this fear, start by analyzing what conflict represents to you, and gradually practice speaking up in smaller situations to build your comfort level.

Need for Validation
Do you constantly seek validation, feeling insecure if you’re not reassured by others? Whether it’s obsessing over social media likes or repeatedly asking your partner if they still love you, this could indicate that you didn’t receive enough emotional validation in your past. Dr. Pretty Koshar, a counseling psychologist, suggests that this lack of self-validation can leave you feeling isolated and unsupported. Building self-worth through habits like positive affirmations and mindfulness can help. In fact, a 2011 study found that eight weeks of mindfulness meditation can physically change the brain, improving areas related to decision-making, empathy, and emotional regulation.

Emotional Avoidance
Trauma can sometimes lead to emotional withdrawal, where all you want to do is escape your feelings. Emotional avoidance is common in people with PTSD, where individuals avoid discussing their trauma or deny their feelings, sometimes turning to harmful behaviors like substance abuse to numb the pain. If this resonates with you, it could mean your trauma was overwhelming. Learning about and accepting your emotions, through resources like emotion wheels and workbooks, can be a helpful step toward healing.

Isolation
Lastly, emotional trauma might cause you to withdraw from others. If you frequently cancel plans, make excuses not to socialize, or avoid responding to texts, you may be struggling with connection. Social withdrawal is often linked to trauma and PTSD. A 2019 study found that loneliness can negatively affect your physical, emotional, and mental health. If this sounds like you, try reaching out to loved ones, even when you don’t feel like it. Making a list of people who matter to you and imagining how good it would feel to reconnect can motivate you to break the cycle of isolation.

Do you recognize any of these signs in yourself? Are you ready to start working on them? Feel free to share your story.