Childhood Trauma & Emotional Neglect
If you are a survivor of trauma or neglect in your childhood, people may say that a part of you will always carry such within. But healing is definitely possible to achieve 100%. It’s a long journey that has ups and downs, but if you are hopeful and motivated, you can find the right path to healing.
Dr. Johnny Sw specialises in childhood trauma and writes some healing tips. Here are some:
Number one, realise it’s not your fault before you start your healing journey. As Dr. Webb explains, you need to come to an important realisation. Let’s try an exercise together. Say these words out loud. It’s not my fault. Really say it out loud. Childhood trauma and neglect can often make children develop feelings of guilt, blame, and shame.
You might feel that somehow you deserved to be treated that way, but that’s not the case at all. There is nothing you could have done to deserve it. You were an innocent child who wanted to be loved, and you should have gotten that love. So if your memories sometimes take you to those bad places, remember to say it out loud.
It’s not my fault. Number two, welcome your emotions. An emotionally neglecting household is an emotion free household. In a way you are trained to ignore and diminish your emotions for that reason. Getting back in touch with what you feel is an important part of overcoming your trauma. The first step is to understand that even if the child in you blocked your emotions to protect itself, that doesn’t mean they aren’t there.
Maybe you can’t describe them yet, but you’re experiencing a range of emotions every day. Even Carl Rogers, a psychologist, talked about acceptance. The curious paradox, it is when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change. So try to accept your emotions and welcome them as a valuable part of your being as you begin healing.
Number three, recognise and identify your emotions. The next step is learning how to recognise and identify those emotions. Sometimes you’ll find it hard to identify the feelings you’re experiencing when that happens. Pay attention to your body. For example, are your muscles tense? Are you mindlessly fidgeting? This could mean that you’re anxious or nervous about something.
Another thing you could do when you’re not sure how you’re feeling is to take a look at an emotion chart. Dr. Webb provides great tools in her book, a detailed list of emotions as well as an emotion chart, so feel free to check them out if you need help with learning about what you feel. Number four, keep track of how you feel.
Once you learn how to recognise and identify your emotions, try keeping track of them. You could use a journal or download an emotion tracking app on your phone. The effectiveness of this technique was shown in a few trauma survivors in a 2002 study by the authors of said Study. Believe that journaling about your feelings could help you process repetitive intrusive thoughts.
So every few hours, write down where you are, what you’re doing, and how you’re feeling at that moment. Writing it down could help you build a habit of tuning in with your emotions so that one day you can do it effortlessly and automatically. Also, you’d be able to go back and take a look at your entries, which would allow you to see a possible trend.
Maybe you find out that certain people or situations consistently make you feel down. Is there something you can do to make those instances more bearable? Or you may notice that you’ve been exceptionally cheerful during the last week. What is it that made you so happy and how can you get more of it? Number five, find ways to self-soothe.
As a neglected child, there’s a chance your parents didn’t give you much needed comfort. When you were upset, they probably weren’t there to wipe your tears or take you to sleep. As a result, today, you might have trouble dealing with stress, anger, or any overwhelming situation. It always a blessing to have someone by your side in that situation, as well as some self-soothing techniques when that someone is not around.
As the name suggests, it’s a skill and enables you to calm yourself when you need it and find some peace when things get rough. A 2017 research article shows that this technique can really be beneficial, even for those suffering from PTSD. You can try out three simple steps to learn how to self-soothe.
Step one, make a list of possible strategies that you could use to calm yourself down. Do you like a cup of hot chocolate on bad days? Curling up in a fluffy blanket, cuddling your pet. You can put as many things as you like on that list. Make sure to include some things that are easily accessible wherever you are, such as taking three deep breaths.
For example. Step two. This is where emotion charts and identifying your emotions come in handy. When you notice a strong negative feeling, it’s time to check out your list. And step three, try out different strategies and pay attention to what works and what doesn’t work. Maybe petting your dog works when you’re sad, but not when you’re angry.
Feel free to modify your list. Crossing out strategies and adding new ones. You may find it hard at first to come to terms with yourself and your emotions. It’ll probably seem scary, difficult, and unachievable, but please don’t lose hope. Start with small baby steps and work your way up when it gets hard.
Remember the child you once were, and remember, you’re doing this for them. Give them all the love you didn’t receive. Remember, you’re not alone, and we got your back.
